I’m not one of those women who does it all right. Certainly not when it comes to matters of all things “womanhood.” Hair, make-up, clothes, shoes, men – I’ve never known quite how you’re supposed to deal with them. There’s no reason to think motherhood will be any different. Plus there are more pitfalls with motherhood. Everything the baby/ child/ teenager does wrong will be my fault. Everything she does right will be down to herself. The pressure on mothers, especially in the media, seems immense these days and I’m prepared for all that. I’m happy to take the blame for some of it – after all, I’m bound to mess something up.
So bearing this in mind, perhaps I was naive to think that this would only start after she was born. But I did. Of course it turns out that there’s a right way to be pregnant too and, although it mainly exists in pregnancy guides, in real life everyone else has got the hang of it more than I have. Or so it seems.
When you get to the stage where you tell people you’re having a baby, conversations go like this: men will say “Congratulations! When are you due/ is it your first?” and then change the subject. This is good.
Women will say “how are you enjoying pregnancy?” If, like me, you reply that you are hating it, they will reply in one of two ways. They’ll either say, “Oh I loved it! I never felt better/ healthier/ more full of energy/ confident…” before going on to detail the food they ate, the marathons they ran and how their nipples “were so sensitive they orgasmed if you brushed past them on the stairs.”
Oh go away.
The second response is to look at you and say, “Well it’ll be worth it in the end…” My reaction to this was usually one of suppressing physical violence.
If they ask what it is that you hate, you try and explain the ‘difference’ of it all – the restrictions, the constant exhaustion, feeling fat and bloated and whale-like, the sense of violation at this alien being inside you, and they say “Well, what did you expect?”
These people are missing the point. You can, and probably have, expected all these things. Even if you didn’t, they may not take you by surprise, given your condition. My point is, you don’t have to enjoy them. Certainly not for the length of time you’ll have to put up with them. So already you’re being made to feel like you’re doing it wrong. Here’s the thing: it’s perfectly possible to look forward to the baby, to plan for it, buy for it and be impatient to meet it and still hate pregnancy.
Best of luck to all those who do love pregnancy but you don’t need this blog. I started writing this for women who, like me, felt uncomfortable and alone during this massive change.
On hating pregnancy 